My love of all things Princess Bride is well known and well documented. It's my all time favorite movie and book. So, when Bill and I found out that it was going to be playing in a theater in Chicago on Valentine's Day, it was a no brainer. My friend, Ruth, owns an amazing shop in Barrington (check it out here ), and there is a particular line of jewelry that I love, called Lenny & Eva. They have beads and sentiments that you can mix and match. She was getting some new sentiments and was going to get one that said "As You Wish" just in time for Valentine's Day. I told her I NEEDED it or I WOULD DIE. I am pretty sure that was my exact text. She put one aside for Bill. He gave it to me a day early so that I could wear it to Rori's school party.

After the party, my friend Liza and I decided to go to Ruth's store because my mom had given me a gift certificate and I wanted new beads for my new sentiment, and Liza had never been there and had some birthday money to spend. We chatted with the manager and she asked what our plans were for Valentine's Day. I told her we were going to see the Princess Bride and how much I loved it. She told me that she thought she had just read that Cary Elwes was coming for a book signing (He wrote a book about the making of The Princess Bride--of course I already owned it, but I would be happy to get a second, if it was signed). I made a mental note to look up when and where. By the time I got home, I had forgotten.

The next morning (Valentine's Day), Bill and I were enjoying a lazy Saturday waiting for our hot date--dinner at 4:00 (don't ask, that's what happens when you wait to get reservations) and then the movie at 7:30. I remembered that Cary Elwes was going to be in town and I wanted to see when, so I googled. I discovered he was going to be 40 minutes away at 2:00 THAT DAY!  I took a chance and called the bookstore and they said there would still be tickets at the door and the doors opened at 1:15. It was 11:45. Bill had to go get Rori from AWANA practice at noon, so while he did that, I hopped in the shower and planned to talk him into trying to go to the signing instead of downtown. THIS WOULD BE MY DREAM! By the time I got out of the shower and dressed, I had talked myself out of it. I figured there was no way we would get there in time, and if we got there, there wouldn't be tickets left. However, my dear husband came home with Rori and said, "Let's go!" This was not like us at all. We are way more practical and not this adventurous.

We dropped the kids at Bill's parents house, and he drove as fast as he could to Naperville. The closer we got, the more sure I was that we weren't going to be able to get tickets. Bill said he could see my half full glass slowly leaking the whole drive. He knows me well. We got there at about 1:30 and Bill dropped me at the door, I ran in and was able to get a book (which came with a ticket to see the Q&A and have it signed). I was beside myself! We got amazing seats for the Q&A portion. I was bouncing in my seat and I told Bill it was the best day ever (minus our wedding day and birth of my children). I could not believe we had pulled it off. Cary was charming, funny, and humble. After the Q&A, he went out to the lobby to begin the book signing, and they played the movie for us in the theater while we waited for our number to be called. I may have stalked him in the lobby a few times, while waiting for our turn. The movie played 2 full times before we were able to get in line. The poor man had been signing for over 3 hours.

I was trying not to be the creepy stalker that couldn't wait her turn, but I am certain I have no dignity left

Before the signing, they had announced that there would be no staged pictures--everyone would have to stand in front of the table and Cary would be behind, for efficiency. I saw him come out from behind the table a handful of times--usually to take pictures with people who had babies with them. I looked for a baby to borrow, but noone would oblige. There weren't any puppies around either. I had all kind of clever things to say to him when our turn would come. However, when it was our turn, I could hardly breathe, I was still shocked about the whole thing. I told him I was going to cry and he got up from behind the table and gave me a hug and whispered, "As you wish." in my ear. I DIED! I told him I'd loved him since I was a little girl. He thanked me, and said other things, but I can't remember because he said AS YOU WISH to me--WHISPERED IN MY EAR!

His leather jacket was so soft ;) 

Then Bill asked him if Pierre Desperaux was a good or bad guy (his ambiguous character from Psych). He asked Bill if he liked that character and Bill said he loved him. Cary asked Bill if he could record him saying that for the producers. Cary pulled out his phone and Bill happily obliged. Cary is a true class act, to treat everyone as though they were the first ones to come through the line, not the 400th.

I think the reason I was so overcome was because of the crazy way this all came together. I had no time to process that I was going to get to see "Westley" in real life. It was such a gift. It's a story that I will be telling my children about forever. Rori said I've already told her a billion times, so if any of you want to hear it again, I will happily share it.

IF:Gathering 2015

I had been looking forward to this Friday and Saturday for a year. It was the IF:Gathering. Last year was the first year of the IF:Gathering, and noone really knew what it was about; I was curious and watched it on my computer. There were several Godly women teaching and sharing their stories. Leslie and I were both really excited about it. I suggested we get some women together and watch it the next year. She is an even bigger dreamer and arranged for a hundred women to watch it together at Willow Creek church. Leslie is awesome ;)

Anyway, on Tuesday, Brendan came down with the vomits. On Wednesday it hit Rori, and Thursday it hit Liam. I could NOT miss IF!!! I prayed, I Lysoled, and I refused to kiss Bill because he could be a carrier. I told him that I could kiss him all he wanted on Saturday night, but not until then. God, in His mercy, spared me (for now) and I was able to go. 

Oh my goodness, what an amazing, incredible, energizing, exhausting, uplifting experience. I played hookey from church today to decompress. I am an introvert, so spending the last two days as an extrovert took all of my energy. The thought of being around more people--even if they are wonderful Godly people, just makes me want to hide in my bed or rock in the corner. So Bill took the kids to church and I was able to sit and re-watch some of the speakers from the weekend. 

I came away with some amazing thoughts. I still have no idea where God wants me to be, but I know that it's ok to figure out my interests, pursue them, and see if I am good at them. What is important is that I take steps and move forward. I have always been very vocal that I am happy with the status quo. I don't like change. It terrifies me. But, what terrifies me more, is the thought of going to Heaven and God showing me a slide show of what I missed because I didn't take that first step out in faith--that I was scared and stayed in the past and refused to move into new seasons of life. 

I think the reason that I enjoy the past is because I am scared of the future, scared that my gifts aren't big enough. That they don't do enough for the Kingdom. Angie Smith taught me that it's ok if my talents aren't the same as my mom, Jenna, Leslie, Laura, Liza, Ruth, Yvonne, Sonja, or any of the other amazing women with a heart for Jesus that I know. It's ok if I am not the leader, the visionary, the dreamer. I can be just a cheerleader. I can be just an encourager. And that is enough. 

Lynn Hybels shared that what is important is that Rori sees me doing what God put in my heart. That I find out what is mine to do for the Kingdom, not what belongs to someone else. I need to give her permission to find what is hers and encourage her to walk her path. And frankly, I think it's important for me to show my boys as well. They will be able to encourage their wives to follow God's path for their lives as well.  

If you have time today (they are only going to be posted through today), I encourage you to check out some of the speakers--I highly recommend Jen Hatmaker, Christine Caine, Angie Smith, and Lynn Hybels. Be encouraged, 

Joshua 1:9  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

My secret flaw

I am getting this post in under the wire for my one post a week resolution. I believe that I did give a disclaimer that I stink at resolutions, but one would hope I could make it until at least February before I fail. Last year I joined a book club...well sort of...I have only read 3 of the books and there's one each month. So...par for the course for me. In this book club, I have learned that I am alone in something that I do. I thought everyone does this. But I was wrong.

I am here to confess...I read the end of books. I read the end of books shortly after reading the beginning, and before I have read the middle. Apparently everyone else reads the beginning, middle, and then the end. I HAVE to find out what happens, I CAN'T wait. It could be DAYS before I finish and who can wait that long to find out who dunnit, or who dies, or if they get together? I have ALWAYS been like this, and it's not just books. I do it with movies and television shows. I don't think I told Bill this, but the series finale of Burn Notice was on while he was playing basketball. We agreed we would watch it together when he got home. However, I heard that a main character was going to die. There was no way that I could sit through the whole finale and be worried about my beloved characters. I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I would be stressed out the whole time. So, I fast-forwarded through the episode until I found out who died. Then I was able to relax and enjoy watching it with Bill. I also just did this with the series finale of White Collar. We have like 6 episodes on the DVR, but the finale was on TV the other day...just the end...and I watched it...I had to know and it was RIGHT THERE in front of me. Sometimes, when there is a movie out, that looks to be particularly suspenseful, I google the ending so that I can be prepared. Phew. This feels good to get off my chest.

The first book we read for book club, I was able to get on my Kindle. I distinctly remember telling Bill that reading on a Kindle made it much harder to skip to the end. He said he was glad because he hates that I have no willpower. I resolved to read the book in the order the author intended. A day later, I explained to him that while it's harder to skip to the end, it turns out, it's not impossible. sigh. fail. The girls in my Book Club were horrified. Fortunately they like me anyway and did not kick me out. So we can still be friends, right?

Stepping Out in Faith

When I started this blog, 6 years ago, I wanted to deal with the stillbirth of our daughter. I had just started reading Angie Smith's blog about the loss of her baby, and Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, Maria, had just died. I saw how healing writing out your feelings can be. My blog has been a blessing to me as I have worked out these feelings, and I am thankful for it. However, it has morphed into much more--stories about my family, stories about our friends, and stories about my joys and struggles with mommy-hood. Today, our Faith would be 11 years old. So, in honor of her birthday, I am unrolling a new look for my blog, as well as a new title "Stepping Out in Faith". It will still have the same URL www.morethanihopedfor.com because for now, that's just easier, and I like easier.

I stink at making New Year's resolutions--just ask me about the one where I was going to learn to start saying "no" to stuff...avoidance and hiding have been better, albeit less healthy, techniques I have implemented. However, this year is about being brave. I love to write, but I have been held back by fear. I am terrified of failure. I have feared that I have nothing to say, nobody will understand what I am saying, and noone will read it. But, this year, I have learned that I have a lot to say, friends have been incredibly encouraging, and the people that I love read it, so that's enough for me...for now. So, as long as God gives me words, I am going to write them. And I am going to set the a goal of writing one post per week. I know, a WHOLE post EVERY week. I am sure you're thinking, "can she really do that?" I assure you, I will fail at it. But I figured if I set the bar pretty low, I will succeed more than I will fail, so, there you go. .

So, here is to a New Year filled with Bravery (15 days late, but that's how I ALWAYS roll)!

My Samantha Doll

There are some things in my life that I feel are sacred and so I don't write about them. I don't want to put them out there, lest they be trampled or just not understood in the way that I want. I worry that I won't do it justice. My dad's awful heart surgery a few years ago was one of those things. My American Girl doll is also one of those things. I wanted to keep it to myself--within my immediate family, who gets it, who gets how special it was. But, I have decided I am going to try.

I have written about how I wanted a Samantha doll since I was 7 or 8 years old. I would pour over the catalogs and read about all of the extra things you could get to go with your doll. I had all of the dolls, their stories, and their accessories memorized. When I had Rori, I hoped that someday she would want an American Girl doll and maybe I would get her a Samantha one. But then...they discontinued Samantha!!! I assumed that was it for me and my Samantha dream. A year ago, I got wind that she was coming back!! I was nerdily excited! I came home and told everyone--strangely, nobody's excitement level matched mine. She finally arrived in stores this October. I really wanted to get one, but Rori had enough American Girl dolls, so I knew it would be silly to get her one just because I had wanted Samantha.

On Christmas, I had one gift from my parents. I opened it and it was a doll outfit from the Target version of American Girl. My mom played it off as though she accidentally wrapped Rori's present with my name. She had my dad run out to the car to get my gift. I had a feeling...when my dad came in carrying a bag with a long wrapped box in it, I started to cry. Then, my mom, through tears of her own, said "I am sorry it's so late" and then the ugly cry started (not hers, mine). My heart was so full, I thought it would burst as I tore through the paper and saw my very own Samantha doll. My mom is not a frivolous person, she doesn't go throwing money around willy nilly, so I know how much it meant for her to be able to give me my doll, and it meant the world to me.

Unbeknownst to me, my mom had bought the doll back in October, but didn't know what she was going to do with it. She didn't know if it would be appropriate to give to me, or if I would think it was silly since I am slightly out of the American Girl target demographic. She thought about giving her to Rori, but it wouldn't have the same meaning. Then she read my blog post about my dad and I going to American Girl, and she knew she should give her to me. And this was the second greatest gift I have ever received (you know, behind Jesus ;) ).

My dad

I try not to brag about what I have, but please indulge me this one time. I have the greatest dad on earth. Growing up, we didn't have a lot of money--we weren't wanting for anything, but we didn't have a lot of indulgences. I didn't have "Guess" jeans, Cable tv, and I never got an American Girl Doll. When I was little, there were only three choices--Samantha, Kirsten, and Molly. I wanted Samantha. I never complained about not getting one, I understood they were very expensive. I joke now, that I was scarred by it, but I really wasn't. It was ok. You know why not having those things was ok? Because of my parents. My mom is awesome too, but I'll write about her later (poor moms, we always get shafted--do our work in the shadows).

My dad is awesome. I have many incredible memories of him, but something that I can really say, is that his love and time spent with me stayed a constant over time. Even though he worked full time, I think I can count on one hand how many of my tennis matches he missed during my four years of high school. He was always there, cheering me on, coaching me, encouraging me.

In college, my dad traded territories with another co-worker so that he could have Grand Rapids. He would come and visit me. He would take me to dinner, we'd go grocery shopping, turn in our aluminum cans (you get 10 cents a can in GR--paid for my books in college!), and then we'd go hang out at his hotel room and I got to watch Nick at Nite--we had very few channels on our college tvs, so this was a luxury. My roommates would often comment on how lucky I was to have a dad like that. But, it's all I had ever known.

Today, my dad was going to drive me to the American Girl store in Chicago so that I could pick up some things that my mom, sister, and I were going to get our girls for Christmas. He was going to take a day off of work just to drive Brendan and me to the city, and while I shopped at American Girl, he was going to entertain Brendan at the Lego store. We ended up not needing to go (the lady on the phone at AG was so helpful that I was able to just order what we needed), but honestly, I am a little bummed. I joked that I was going to pretend I was 8 and my dad was taking me to American Girl since we couldn't do that when I was 8 (and actually I'm not certain the store was in Chicago back then--good Lord, I'm getting old).

He chose the theme from the Princess Bride for our dance

It wasn't until I was an adult that I've really learned that not all dads are like mine. I know why it's so easy for me to love and trust my Heavenly Father. It's because He has given me such a wonderful earthly father. And for that I am so blessed--more than if I had a hundred Samantha dolls.

And I became a hot mess

Tour of my living room

This year I have grown up, in many ways. I am not going to go into the deep and meaningful ways right now--I'll save that for another time :) When Bill and I got married, we were blessed with a lot of hand me downs. We were really young, finances were tight, so these gifts were much appreciated. However, as time went on, I learned that my taste was different and I kind of hated the colors of my living room. It was pure laziness and obnoxious frugality that had prevented me from changing it over the years. This spring, I painted over our forest green walls with a gorgeous grey color.

This is the best picture I could find. Note the lamps--egad! and the color of the chair and the coffee table wasn't my style either.

We weren't sure what to do with the mauve/rose colored chairs. They are really good quality chairs, so we got them re-upholstered in a neutral taupe color. Then I got to pick my accent colors. I am obsessed with aqua! Bill and his dad built me a bench for our entry way that opens up and has 5 cubbies for the kids' backpacks and I painted it a happy shade of aqua. 

I don't know why I waited so long to be a grown up, but I am so glad I did. I love to sit in the living room and drink my coffee in the quiet of the morning. 

I'm not done with the wreath--I didn't have enough berries, but shocker, Brendan isn't up for going to JoAnn's until after he has lunch.

I love my woodland animals--Bill made fun of me for bringing the reindeer home, the next day he came home w/ the polar bear and fox

Love the picture from my mom of the kids acting out the nativity scene. 

So there you have it! I just have to get new curtains for the dining room, re-cover the dining room chairs and then I'll post pictures of it. I did get the most lovely light fixture that I'm excited to post!