Saturday we all went to my friend Anna's house to visit with her family. Something we haven't done in way too long. Shortly after we got there I started bleeding, badly. It was much more severe than the spotting that I had been having up until that point. I was devastated. Anna offered to watch our kids if I wanted to go to the ER, or she offered to take me if Bill wanted to stay with the kids and her husband, Tim. I asked her to take me because I didn't want the kids to be upset. I mentally prepared myself for the worst. There was no way that the baby survived that amount of bleeding.

Anna came into the room with me and we waited. And waited. And waited. We were seriously amazed at the inefficiency of the ER. I think they need to hire Anna to organize them and whip them into shape. Finally they told me that I would be getting an ultrasound and they would need to catheterize me so they could fill my bladder to do the ultrasound, because of course they had just let me go to the bathroom. I was not at all excited about this, but my other option was to drink a lot of water and wait for my bladder to refill. We'd already been waiting about 3 hours at that point and our kids all needed to go to bed. So, I agreed. Anna and I discussed how stupid it was because they could just do an internal ultrasound instead. So, of course, after they wheel me down to ultrasound the tech says they will probably need to do an internal one because they'll get better pictures that way--and he'll remove the catheter for that. Of course--makes sense--catheterize the poor traumatized woman and then say it wasn't necessary.

He did the ultrasound and found a HEARTBEAT! He was about as shocked as I was. He told me that 9 times out of 10 there isn't and he hates being the bearer of bad news. I could not believe it. He did point to some blood in my uterus and said if it get bigger a miscarriage may happen. They diagnosed me as a "threatened miscarriage" and told me that I will just need to rest and wait it out.

I followed up with my doctor today and he did an ultrasound and said everything looked great! He told me it would be a waiting game and right now they can just take care of me, and give me an ultrasound every 10 days or so to reassure me and give me peace of mind so that I don't have to wait so long between appointments.

I am going to do my best to take each moment and day as it comes and try not to worry about the next one. I pray that God doesn't ask me to walk the road that I've walked before, again, but if He does, I hope to do it with more grace this time. I love this little baby that is holding on with everything he's got, but I know that he's not really mine. Every day he has already has been ordained before the beginning of time, and nothing I do can change that. All I can do is be thankful for each moment I get to be his mommy. (or hers ;) ).

It's for real!

I've been spotting off and on even before I knew I was pregnant (that was a sign that I guessed I was). So, finally I called the doctor and they got me in yesterday for what they called a "viability ultrasound." I was fairly anxious going in. I know that God is in control, but there is always this teeny tiny hope that I can control things, just a little bit. To add to the stress a bit, I had to bring Rori and Liam with. I talked to Rori about the doctor needing to look in mama's tummy and she needed to sit real nice with Liam on the chair while the doctor did it. She was a perfect angel. The boy, on the other hand, as soon as the doctor turned the lights off, started to wail. I have to give him credit that he stayed on the chair with his sister, but frankly I think I only heard about 70% of what the doctor was saying, but all I cared about was that I saw the heartbeat! The doctor seemed rushed (that's what I will call it instead of saying he was annoyed at the poor 20 month old little boy that was scared), so fortunately I have an appointment tomorrow where I can ask him specific questions that I have about the spotting. So for now, all looks good! It's all becoming more real to me. But please keep us in your prayers--especially for me for peace, no matter what happens.

PS If you've read the comments under the post where I announced my pregnancy, rest assured that both my father and my husband have lost naming privileges for this baby. Frankly, so has Rori Rose. She keeps asking Jesus for a baby sister (we haven't told her about the baby yet) and she wants to name her Sleeping Beauty. And if by chance Jesus gave her a baby brother--which right now, according to her is not an option because she already has a baby brother--she would name him Prince Phillip.

He made the right choice

Yesterday was Valentine's Day and my sweetheart and I were going to dinner and a movie while Baba Casey and Grandpa Casey watched the kids. Papa was cleaning up the house a bit and I was making dinner for the kids and grandparents. Rori saw Bill picking up her game Candy Land and said, "Papa, will you play this game with me?" He told her he needed to clean up. She was crestfallen and said, "That's ok Papa, I'll play it by myself." It broke my heart because she loves to play Candy Land with Papa. It's something special they do together when Liam is sleeping. It took him a minute, but fortunately he made the right choice.

My Valentine

My parents live in a small town, that has gotten actual chain restaurants since I've moved, but still a semi-small town. This town has a wonderful bakery that makes scrumptious cookies. Baba Hoo Hoo brings the kids frosted cookies for special occasions. A week or so ago, she brought Valentine cookies that had red icing and white frosting words. Rori inhaled hers. I found a bakery by us that makes pretty good cookies. So, I stopped at it on the way home from work and picked up heart shaped frosted cookies for her and Liam. I told her that I got her a Valentine cookie and she was so excited. I took it out of the box and I could tell she was trying to hide her disappointment. This cookie had red icing, but no writing on it. She, in a very sweet way, said, "I don't like these cookies, I like the ones Baba Hoo Hoo brings." So, I passed that information along to Baba Hoo Hoo, who on Sunday brought the kids cookies. Do you think Rori enjoyed it?

PS don't tell Liam, but she ate his cookie too :)

My blog title has just taken on a whole new meaning!

I don't think that I ever shared much about my pregnancies. With Faith, we got pregnant fairly easily. It took a few months, but not terribly long. With Rori we were having what seemed like a difficult time. We had tests done, and eventually the doctor found that I had uterine polyps. He figured those probably caused our problems during my pregnancy with Faith. He also told us that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant without removing them. So, I had minor surgery. The next month we got pregnant with Rori. The whole thing took about 7 months.

With Liam, we used ovulation predictors and I took my temperature (we also did this with Rori). I was worried that I had polyps again so I went into the doctor. He did the special ultrasound to check and said it looked a bit like I might. I had the surgery again and he said it didn't seem to have been polyps on the ultrasound, just some lining. I was disappointed because we hadn't found a reason that we weren't pregnant. The doctor was considering putting me on Clomid, but then we got pregnant. That whole thing took about 9 months.

I know those weren't truly long times compared to what other people have gone through, but we did everything right every month along with some other home remedies that I had read about. This brings me to the point of this post. When I was done nursing Liam, I went on a regular birth control pill. I was having spotting each month and I was feeling depressed and not myself. I went into the doctor after about 4 months and got a new pill. He told me to give it about 3 months. I think it was the fourth month, the middle to end of November, and I was once again having spotting. My moods weren't any better, so after talking with Bill, I decided to quit in the middle of the month and call the doctor. Well, they told me that I was due to come in at the end of January and insurance wouldn't cover my yearly appointment before it had been a year. We figured we could wait the two months and go just once to the doctor. We figured we didn't need to take precautions because we worked so hard to get pregnant before, that there was no way we would get pregnant in two months.

Do you remember a while back, Bill and I were trying to decide whether we wanted to add to our family? Also, in my 2009 post I mentioned that it would be a year of waiting and that I was seeking God's will to be done in my life? Well, surprise--we are pregnant! Completely unplanned for us, but not unplanned for God. And in all honesty, if I wasn't a believer, I would be scared to death. We have so much to figure out, but we know that God is in control and He planned this baby, and He will take care of us.

You may wonder why I am sharing this already since I am only 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. Well, my dear husband is completely over the moon and fortunately his excitement is infectious. He told me that my blog is supposed to be about my life and even if God decides to end this pregnancy with a miscarriage, it's still a part of my life that I would want to document. And I want to share it with you so that you would keep me in your prayers. I had blood work done yesterday because of my history and because I've had some spotting already and they prescribed me progesterone because my level was a tad low. I had this with Liam and it made me pretty sick, so please don't abandon me if my posts become less frequent. I am excited to bring you on this journey with us. God truly has created a miracle and I feel so blessed that He chose to answer our questions about if we should have another baby :) It truly is More Than I'd Hoped For!

My very expensive, free blog

When I started my blog I was excited because it was a good thing for me mentally, and then turned into something fun for me, my friends, and my family. The best part of it was that it was free! Well, that didn't last terribly long. First, I decided to get a blog makeover--great decision and totally worth it, but it did cost money. Next, I realized how old and decrepit our computer was because everytime I was on it, it crashed. So, I hinted at my darling husband, that I needed a laptop. Again, a great decision, but a bit pricey. Then, since I had a feeling he was getting us a computer--initiated because of my blog--I felt the need to get him something nice, hence the wii. You see where this is going. This free blog is getting pricey. Well, recently my mom mentioned that she liked my pictures on my blog, but it was too bad that I didn't have a nicer camera...Well, funny thing, I'd been thinking the same thing. So, now we're considering getting a digital SLR camera to improve our pictures (not just for the blog, but again initiated because of it). Granted, we're looking at an entry level camera, but still isn't free. Now, if only I could convince Bill that my blog needs a new pair of shoes...ooh and a nice pair of jeans...

C-O-U-S-I-N-S spells trouble

This Saturday we had Super Bowl Saturday, which really just means that my family all got together to enjoy the food that we would normally eat on Super Bowl Sunday. We do this because it's too hard to get together on Sunday night because the kids need to go to bed and it's just a hassle, so we do the important part on Saturday. Anyway, I am a little fearful of the trouble that Jenna and my kids are going to get into when they are older and unsupervised. This is what they do now, with us watching of course.

No, that is not blood on Liam's face :) It's red frosting from an Arizona Cardinal's cookie--but we thought it looked appropriate for pictures of him jumping off a tub, but I felt the need to explain lest anyone call DCFS on me...

Look at the height Rori gets!

Noah wasn't quite as fearless, but he doesn't have a big sister to watch. Soon he'll be jumping off tubs with the other two. But lest you think he is perfect, he did have interesting things to do with the baby he was practicing being a big brother with.

p.s. I wanted to mention, for those that don't know me, on my previous post I had said that I would return the shoes after wearing them--I would never actually do that, I know it's completely wrong--I was just kidding about that part :)