The Little Engine that Could

Saturday we all went to my friend Anna's house to visit with her family. Something we haven't done in way too long. Shortly after we got there I started bleeding, badly. It was much more severe than the spotting that I had been having up until that point. I was devastated. Anna offered to watch our kids if I wanted to go to the ER, or she offered to take me if Bill wanted to stay with the kids and her husband, Tim. I asked her to take me because I didn't want the kids to be upset. I mentally prepared myself for the worst. There was no way that the baby survived that amount of bleeding.

Anna came into the room with me and we waited. And waited. And waited. We were seriously amazed at the inefficiency of the ER. I think they need to hire Anna to organize them and whip them into shape. Finally they told me that I would be getting an ultrasound and they would need to catheterize me so they could fill my bladder to do the ultrasound, because of course they had just let me go to the bathroom. I was not at all excited about this, but my other option was to drink a lot of water and wait for my bladder to refill. We'd already been waiting about 3 hours at that point and our kids all needed to go to bed. So, I agreed. Anna and I discussed how stupid it was because they could just do an internal ultrasound instead. So, of course, after they wheel me down to ultrasound the tech says they will probably need to do an internal one because they'll get better pictures that way--and he'll remove the catheter for that. Of course--makes sense--catheterize the poor traumatized woman and then say it wasn't necessary.

He did the ultrasound and found a HEARTBEAT! He was about as shocked as I was. He told me that 9 times out of 10 there isn't and he hates being the bearer of bad news. I could not believe it. He did point to some blood in my uterus and said if it get bigger a miscarriage may happen. They diagnosed me as a "threatened miscarriage" and told me that I will just need to rest and wait it out.

I followed up with my doctor today and he did an ultrasound and said everything looked great! He told me it would be a waiting game and right now they can just take care of me, and give me an ultrasound every 10 days or so to reassure me and give me peace of mind so that I don't have to wait so long between appointments.

I am going to do my best to take each moment and day as it comes and try not to worry about the next one. I pray that God doesn't ask me to walk the road that I've walked before, again, but if He does, I hope to do it with more grace this time. I love this little baby that is holding on with everything he's got, but I know that he's not really mine. Every day he has already has been ordained before the beginning of time, and nothing I do can change that. All I can do is be thankful for each moment I get to be his mommy. (or hers ;) ).