For my whole life, all I have ever wanted, was to be a mom. I didn't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. I didn't care about wealth. All I wanted was to someday raise babies or be a ballerina, one was more likely than the other...God has blessed me with 3 beautiful babies to raise. But I am constantly battling The Time Bandit. I notice it more frequently now. 

The other day Rori and I were looking at bathing suits online. We were scrolling through the selection and a Disney Princess one caught my eye. She continued scrolling. I knew. But I had to ask. 

"You don't want the Princess one?"

"No, I still like Princesses, but I don't really want a princess bathing suit." Time Bandit. Last year she would've still been thrilled to wear a Disney Princess bathing suit. 9 months later and she's too grown up. 

Today my baby started pre-school. He will be going 5 mornings a week in order to help with his speech delay. I just found out I was pregnant with him yesterday.  Time Bandit. Yesterday we packed his back pack. I put a piece of my heart in there so he would have it with him. Today we all went to school as a family. Bill, me, Rori, Liam, and Brendan. Liam told Brendan what his class would be like. I took pictures and held back tears. As he walked in, not looking back, the teacher told him to wave. He lifted his little hand, and without looking back waved and walked in. I felt my heart break. I know it's only a couple of hours, but this is it. After this he is in school until he officially leaves the nest. I came home, looked at the dog and felt lost. 

There was a time, when Rori was a new baby, where minutes felt like hours as I waited for Bill to get home so I could share what happened on re-runs of ER because Rori couldn't yet interact with me, yet whole days were really just minutes. Does that make sense? And I have seen that years are but an hour. Now, this first day by myself, the minutes are hours once again, as I wait to pick  up my littlest and my middle and spend the whole afternoon playing, because I know, in an hour or two they will be gone all day.

I Proudly Present...My Kitchen!!!

Those of you who know me, know that I love baking and cooking--almost as much as I love eating! When we bought our house, I was really excited to have a house, however, I cried because the kitchen was so ugly. We did what we could at the time. We painted the walls and the cabinets, put in a new floor, got a new sink and counter tops, but it stopped there. It was small, dingy looking, and hugely lacking in counter and cabinet space. I had about 18 inches of counter space to do my prep work for baking and cooking. I often ended up really crabby because I would run out of room.

This fall we decided that we were going to invest in a new kitchen. I was beyond excited! We had Sears come in and design it. Their price was more than we could afford, so Bill, Ryan, and Bruce became my free labor. I cannot tell you how happy this kitchen makes me. Bill will often come home and find me sitting in there watching something on my kindle, or reading. I just loooove spending time in there. It's easily my favorite room in the house. The color makes me so happy, the counter space makes me so happy, the cabinets make me so happy!!! I am so happy!!

Let's start with the before. I am almost embarrassed to post the pictures of the before because it was so awful.

Shudder!! I had no cabinet space so things were stacked on top of the cabinets and fridge

The back door was scratched from our dog and there was a play kitchen on the back wall (Brendan is my photo bomber)

We had to use a bakers rack for our microwave and appliances. My parents gave  us their china cabinet (we had emptied it for demolition when I took these)

I forgot to get a picture of the stove wall, but it had one counter on the side of it. And that was all the space I had.

Next came demolition!

Look at those studs! (In the wall I mean ;) )

Someone may have been a little vigorous with the drilling and put a hole in my living room wall. But it's ok. I forgive them

It's starting to come along. Ryan came out two weekends in a row to make sure that I had a functional kitchen. We really appreciated Bruce and his help! 

Cabinets in, and lots of new lights, now new appliances!

We aren't quite finished. I need a window treatment, a new rug, and I am waiting for my backsplash to be installed. I finally picked one out, but we need to find a weekend where Bill and his dad can install it. (The pitfalls of doing things yourself.) I am looking for a wide striped roman shade for the window. Does anyone know where I can find one??? I am handicapped when it comes to window treatments.

Behold! My kitchen aid has a home on my counter and I still have plenty of room! We are going to put shelves next to that cabinet.

Space to roll out cinnamon rolls! And I can look out the window while I am doing it!

The new fridge still has a bunch of stuff on it--Bill loves a cluttered fridge -- I will allow it since he did all this for meeeee! Backsplash will go here.

I love my under-mount sink! I love that you can just brush crumbs in and it doesn't get crud around the outside!

The cabinet on the right hides two garbage cans! One for recycle and one for garbage. This wall will have the back splash as well. That's Thor in the corner

He likes to watch me bake. What can I say?

All of my cabinets have these pull out drawers. I am in love with them!! They hide all my appliances and pots and pans

This is the corner cabinet. I opted not to have a lazy susan because it gave me more space for things like Rori's easy bake oven ;) 

I decided to step out of my box and paint the door an accent color and I think I love it! It reminds me of Nantucket.

I love to stand at that counter and bake while I look out the window 

Thor likes the view as well

There you have it! Many many thanks to Bill, Bruce, Ryan, and Jenna for all their help in making this possible. I am in love!!

I had an exhausting week, so I can't think of a witty title.

Alas, I have been woefully neglectful of my blog. But now, Downton Abbey is over--although I have refused to watch the season finale so all is right in the world and I can pretend what happened, didn't happen. But here are the most recent updates in my life. I am probably going to be extra wordy, so feel free to skim.

Last Monday I had to have a tongue biopsy. I had a white spot on my tongue for a few years and the dentist decided it was time to get it removed and biopsied by an oral surgeon. Unfortunately the only oral surgeon in our network couldn't get me in for 2 weeks (felt like longer). In the meantime, I googled the white spot, which led me to believe I was going to die of cancer, so I made plans for Bill's future wife. I had a couple of requirements and threatened him that I would haunt him if he didn't fulfill them. First, she needed to love Jesus, secondly she could not have any of her own children. I didn't want my kids playing second fiddle to her kids. Thirdly, Bill would have to get "fixed" if you know what I mean. That way they couldn't have babies together and my kids, once again, wouldn't be second fiddle. Bill never really agreed to any of these--mostly because he said something along the lines of "don't be ridiculous, it's not cancer." Thank goodness one of us has a glass that's half full. Mine is half empty, with a small leak at the bottom...Fortunately I was very good at hiding the crazy while we were dating :)

Anyway, it wasn't cancer, or anything bad for that matter. However, I did have it removed, and it was pretty painful. It didn't help the the numbing needle was like 6 inches long and I had to watch Bill make squinty horrified faces while they injected my tongue. Then the head resident talked the intern through cutting it off and stitching it and I kept hearing things like "move it over a little bit," or "ah, let's just split the difference" or "that's good enough, I think." and lastly "we were going to give you antibiotics but decided it wasn't necessary." I was pretty sure I was going to leave with a staph infection. (This was the same hospital that nearly killed my dad a year ago.) I honestly think it was worse than labor because it was just a constant pain that didn't go away. They gave me narcotics, but those just made me loopy and nauseous. You have no idea how useful your tongue is until it has stitches in it. It was hard to even drink water. I thought it might end up being a good diet, but alas, I managed to recover and eat normally within a few days.

The other exciting thing that has been going on in our lives is that our mini van kicked the bucket. I have loved this van. I believe Jesus gave us this van when we really needed it. I mean, I never thought we would've been able to afford a mini van, especially such a nice one, but this one was sold to us for a real steal. It served us well for about 6 years (it was 5 years old when we bought it). Then,about 2 weeks ago it started to overheat. Bill tried a few things to fix it, but alas, we discovered the repairs would be more than it was worth. So for a week I was only able to drive to school and back until we could go looking for a new one.

The thought of buying a van gave me great anxiety. I knew God would provide us something, but the thought of haggling with the sales people was stressing me out. The last time we bought from a dealership, we felt a bit like we got hosed. So we researched so that we would be ready. We talked to Leslie's husband Jon who is a wealth of knowledge about mini-vans, and we prayed about it. The night before we went shopping, Liam prayed "that mama and papa will find a van that isn't real 'spensive, and that it has 9 cup holders."  Um...okay.  We went to the dealership that had the van we had looked at online. We test drove it and then began negotiations. I explained to the salesman that we had a max we were willing to spend out the door, and that we had other options to explore otherwise. I wanted to be upfront and honest because I honestly didn't think they would give it to us for that amount. After about 2 hours of him "checking with the manager" and asking if we could do more, and the manager coming back and asking if we could go up even $500, we held firm. We knew we could always come back. Finally they gave it to us! Victory! We transferred our car seats into the new van and I remembered to count the cupholders. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. Bummer. That would've been really cool. Then...I spotted the other 2! There were 9 CUP HOLDERS! I am not sure what big plans Liam has for the 9 cup holders, but I love when God answers the prayers of children in such an obvious way.

Excuse the quality of these pictures...the batteries in both my DSLR and my point and shoot needed to be charged. I am awesome at organization! 

The Original Four together again

The Fabulous Four have been reunited at Rainbow Bridge tonight. We will miss you Finchy! And our hearts go out to Jenna, Ryan, Noah, and Juli. There is no love like a dog's love.

Chili (Jenna's dog, Fred T (mom and dad's dog), and Leia (our dog) have been waiting to be reunited with their brother/nephew/cousin 

Farewell to the happiest dog I've ever met

The rest of Advent...in a nutshell

I got hopelessly behind during Advent, and I thought I might catch up after Christmas, but alas, Bill got me a Kindle Fire along with Amazon Prime and I spent two weeks glued to Downton Abbey. I may have traveled from room to room (including the bathroom) with my Fire watching to see what was going to happen to my beloved characters. I am, in a word, obsessed. I even found a website that has the entire 3rd season posted, but I am refraining from watching it. Instead, I am watching it week by week now on PBS, for fear that I will have nothing to look forward to once it's over. I am not being at all dramatic.

Anyway, I need to post what we did for the last 8 days of Advent so that next year, when I am planning what to do, I can go back and check.

Day 18

I had read some ideas about having your kids go shopping with grandma and grandpa for presents for mom and dad, and had initially thought that would be a great idea. Bill and I would get a date night, and the kids would enjoy picking stuff out. But then I thought, really, Bill and I don't need more stuff. And we didn't really have time to plan a date night. So...we decided to take the money we were going to give them to buy us stuff, and have them use it to pick out some things from the World Vision catalog. They each had $10 and could combine it or each pick something out. They looked through everything and agreed to get bunnies which apparently are great because they reproduce so quickly and can be used for food or sold in market. They also picked soccer balls because they wanted the kids to have something fun to play with.

Day 19 was Bill's office Christmas party, and I worked during the day. So the kidlets went to Grandma Casey's house and watched a Christmas movie and had a special dinner. I don't remember what movie they watched, or what they ate. It was a month ago...I'm lucky I remember that's what they did :)

Day 20
We did this last year as well. We took them to Baskin Robbins for ice cream before dinner. Somehow it was slightly less magical. I think it was really cold, the kids and I were all exhausted and kind of crabby and my camera battery wasn't charged. Here's the short version of what happened. They all got vanilla, Brendan and Liam were done in about 5 minutes. (they didn't finish) Rori savored her two scoops while the boys whined they wanted to go home. Rori ate hers, then wanted to finish Brendan's. We let her have a bit more until we couldn't take the whining any more and then went home.

Day 21
 My mom had found a website that had golden tickets for a homemade Polar Express. I personally hate that movie, it's kind of creepy and long. But I loved the idea. Bill was our conductor. They had to get in their pajamas and were given a golden ticket (Grandma Hoo Hoo printed them for us, so they thought they were real). We picked them up milkshakes and drove around to look at Christmas lights. My friend Leslie had told me about this awesome house that had amazing lights set to music. It was in a gated community and they told you what station to tune your radio to. It was seriously amazing! I think they only do it every other year, so I think we have a plan for 2014!

Day 22

Christmas cookie day! This day was our annual cookie decorating with the family. Between my mom and I, we cut out 175 or so, give or take a few, cookies to be frosted. The kids love decorating the cookies, however, I think we may have made a few too many, as they started dropping like flies when there were about 25 left. Only Rori made it to the finish.

We may have had a few Star Wars cookies...

Day 23

AHHHHHHH!!!! I don't remember. Let's say we watched a Christmas movie and ate pizza. Note to self, next year, don't wait a month after Christmas to remember what you did.

Nine Years Ago

My first born would be nine years old today. I have come a long way from the broken young woman that didn't think I would be able to get out of bed ever again. I have even come a long way from the brokenness I still felt when I first wrote about Faith's birthday on this blog. I will always wish that she was here with us. That Rori had a big sister to share her room with, that I had two girls to grow up together, that Rori would have a best friend the way I have a best friend. However, this year, I can really say that God and time have healed my wounds. I am thankful. I am blessed.

I am thankful that I got to hold my sweet Faith, not just in my womb, but also in my arms, and forever in my heart. I am thankful that my family all held her and most importantly held me. Held me in their arms, and in their prayers. I am blessed whenever someone refers to her by name, reminds me they know her life was precious. I am blessed when my friends share stories of their losses. Blessed because we know and have experienced grief, but because of Him, we also know hope beyond measure. I am blessed because I can go back and read every email, card, and letter I received. I am not sure that I have ever felt so loved, or covered in prayer by the Body of Christ. So, my darling Faith, may you know that you are celebrated today, you are never forgotten, you hold a special place in my heart, and I look forward to the day where I may hold you and not ever have to let go.


Somebody asked me about reading her previous birthdays, you may find them here, here, here, and here

Day 16 and girls night!

Tonight was my girls' night! Several of us used to get together every Monday night to watch the Bachelor or the Bachelorette on tv. Because of our busy schedules, last season we were only able to get together for 3-4 of the episodes. However, one of the bachelorettes finally got married and it was being televised. We knew we couldn't miss this! We were there when they fell in love, we had to be there when they got married. And, most importantly, it was a good excuse for us to get together ;) It was soooooo good to get together and catch up on our lives. It was very refreshing for the soul during this busy time. I am very thankful for these women!

My beautiful friends!

Anyway, because we watched it on a Monday night, Bill was going to have to be in charge of the activity, and it was going to have to be at his parents house since I was hosting. We decided to do the Christmas cards for teachers. Bill found a design online and they went to town making them. I think the teachers are going to love them!

My beautiful babies :)