I haven't really been a person that has coveted what other people have. I'm fairly content with the size of our house and the things that we can afford (unless we decide to have another baby, then I don't know where we'll put him/her, but that's currently not an issue). However, if money were no object, my vice would be shoes! I love them. There is nothing like slipping on a sleek pair of shoes--they can wonders for a woman's ego. I am unable to appreciate an expensive purse, but let me tell you, a fancy pair of shoes...sigh... With my mostly stay at home momness, I rarely get to wear my nice shoes. It's not really practical to play in the sand or on the jungle gym in a lovely pair of pointy toe heels, and lately I haven't been in the mood to dress up for work either.


Today I was looking online for shoes for Liam, because he is probably getting ready for a new pair and I refuse to pay $50 for another pair, and I was looking for a deal. I decided to, just for fun, go to zappos.com and check out what is new in the world of women's shoes. I can't remember the last time I bought a pair. Out of curiosity I looked at the ones that were $600+ (even for myself, I rarely pay over $50 ). I found these


They are a steal at $749.95. They are GORGEOUS! Those are Swarovski crystals! I mentioned to Bill that his brother is getting married next year and I could get them for the wedding. If he carried me while I was outside, we could even return them since they have free shipping both ways. He chuckled and went about his business. So, Giuseppe Zanotti, if you are reading this blog, feel free to send me a pair to review. I'd be most willing. A girl can dream...

Um....Ewwwwww!

Today I checked to see if I had any google searches on my blog. Every once in a while somebody googles "stillbirth" "perinatologist" (that's the high risk OB) or something like that and my blog comes up. It's pretty cool. I'm pretty sure they probably never come back, but maybe my blog has touched someone that I don't know, and I think that would be neat. Anyway, today I checked and I think I may have to start putting asterisk's in words that I wouldn't want people searching and finding my blog because this particular person googled "caleb porn pichuer"--whatever that means-- and got this post. I imagine they were disappointed. I'd like to believe they read it and decided to discontinue their internet p*orn search and be faithful to their spouse, all while silently thanking me for helping them. That's me, a helper :)

Helpers and Handbags

Recently I have been lamenting my lack of organization and my frustration that my kids don't pick up after themselves. I'm pretty sure that God is trying to tell me something about me needing to declutter and clean up. I think I lean too far to the side of playing with my kids and not enough to the side of making them understand that mommy needs to clean the house and will play with them when the chores are done. I was talking to my mom about how I was frustrated that Rori's room was a mess and she pointed out that maybe I should clean my room and teach through example. ouch. She reminded me that it's ok if they cry while I'm cleaning up. If they're safe and out of danger, they need to learn that mommy needs to clean the house and they can play by themselves, or they can sit and cry. Here is a perfect example of what happens when I try to do something.

Which then turns into this

Just checking to see if I'm paying attention

The second sign that I need to get organized and declutter was that I read this post by Lynnette Kraft and thought that maybe she had snuck into my house and observed a typical day. It really convicted me that we need to simplify our lives.

The last sign kind of went back to the first one. I had ordered a few purses online since going shopping is a rare treat and I had free shipping. I was hoping to like one of them and return the other two. Rori immediately claimed one (they were really cheap). I told her that she could have it if she cleaned her room. I offered to help her and I explained that we needed to keep it clean. She then told me, "Mama, if you clean your room, you can keep your purse too! And I'll help you!" I guess my mom was right :)

So, I am going to get on a regular schedule of cleaning and teaching my children to de-clutter. I'll let you know how it goes!

Gise*lle's wedding day dress

A while back we had taken Rori to the Disney store to look around, and one of her favorite movies is Enchanted. She happened to see Gise*lle's wedding dress, or as she calls it, her "wedding day dress." She wanted it, but it was ridiculously expensive, so we told her no, and she fortunately understood. Back when we decided that the nuk fairy was coming, I looked online to see how much it was and it was clearanced! So, we went ahead and ordered it as a present from the nuk fairy. This dress is much more practical than I had imagined:

As I had suspected, it's great for twirlingIt's fabulous for lounging and watching tv

Here, she's in the zone

Most surprising to me, though, was that it's perfect for somersaults!

She's under there somewhere!

Thank you Baba Hoo Hoo

My mom watches our kids on Wednesdays when I go to work. She leaves her house before 6 am every Wednesday. I was hoping that she would have a good day with the kids because I had kind of a rough day on Tuesday. Liam has had a terrible cold and his nose has been running non-stop. Today, he got his milk about an hour before I left. He seemed a litt cranky, but I hoped he'd feel better. After I got to work, I called my mom and she told me that he threw up. Everywhere. I just assumed that it was from all the mucus dripping into his throat and stomach mixed with the milk. I thought that would be the only time. A while later, I called her again and he had just thrown up again! She said she put him down for a nap, and we were hopeful he'd be better when he woke up. I offered to send Bill home--I couldn't come home because of some serious things that were going on at work. I was sure she would say yes because he had gotten it all over her. But no, my mom was a trooper. She just borrowed some clothes and cleaned everything up. I called her one more time, around lunch, and she said that she had given him some water when he woke up and he threw that up too...and got some in her mouth. Gross, I know, but I had to share so you could fully appreciate what my mom went through. This time, she accepted having Bill come home. So I want to give Baba Hoo Hoo a big shout out today. Thank you!!! (I will tell you sometime how she got the title Baba Hoo Hoo--it's a cute story, really).

Look at this sweet boy!

Visits with a new cousin

Oops, it's been a week since my last post. I am going to be much more regular now--I've been super busy and frankly I've been having writer's block. I really want to keep this blog positive as it is going to be read by my children someday, and I've been under a bit of stress that I didn't want to document.

On another note, this weekend we spent with Bill's side of the family. Bill's sister, Tiffany came in town. She lives in PA and had a baby girl, Ashley, last summer. This was the first time we got to see her. She is very cute, but the best part was watching Rori and Liam play with her. Both of them just loved her. They would make her giggle--it was super cute. Rori acted like a big sister and kept bringing her toys and making sure that she was happy. Liam was incredibly gentle and kept patting her. It was nothing like the way he plays with his big sister! I think he felt like a big boy taking care of his baby. I wish Tiffany lived closer because I know they would love to grow up together.

Tiffany and Ashley

Five Years Ago

My dearest Faith,



Today you would be five years old. From the very beginning you were wanted by both your papa and me. I had always dreamed of having a baby girl. We were so excited to find out that you would be born around our wedding anniversary. We talked about you all the time. We couldn't believe that God had granted the desire of our hearts.





Did you know that when we found out that you would not live, there was no choice in my mind? We were going to give you every day that God had ordained for you. Do you know how many people were brought to their knees asking God to heal you? Because of you, people showed me more love than I had ever experienced. We received cards, flowers, and gifts to remember you with. We kept every single one. We cried at your gravesite as we visited it on your due date. We laid flowers, given to us by a dear friend, at your grave--but we knew that was not really your final resting place.





Do you know that you will never be forgotten? We were given momentos of your brief time with us that we keep in a box in our room. Your birthday is written on all our calendars. Your Auntie Jenna had your name tattooed on her back. Your grandma made us all ornaments with your footprints in them, so that we would always remember you at Christmas.





Did you know that God gave you a little sister and brother? I rejoice knowing that they will meet you someday. I thank God for them, and I also thank Him that He chose me to be your mommy. He chose me, before the beginning of time, to carry you, my precious girl. I wouldn't trade that for the world. When I get to Heaven, and become reunited with friends and family, I will also get to see you, and learn all about who you are. I look forward to that. I will get to know you in the most perfect way, in the most perfect place.





It has been five years since I held you in my arms, and not a day has gone by that I have not thought of you. I have cried tears for you many times over--tears for the wedding you won't have, the babies you won't carry, and I ache to hold you again. Did you know that when I found out you would not live, that I felt God tell me to name you Faith, because now I know that He used you to grow my own faith? I love you and will love you forever, my baby.





Love,


Mama

Like a Good Neighbor

Shocker, Saturday we got a ton of snow again. Oh joy. This time I really did want the exercise since the holidays added a few inches to my tushy and my waistline. (You know I have toddlers when I say tushy). So, I went outside and about ten minutes into shoveling, I was cursing my husband for still putting off buying a snowblower and was planning on plagurizing my friend's Dear Santa blog post, when alas my kind neighbor, Amy, came over to tell me that her husband was getting gas for their snowblower and she would do our driveway too. I certainly wasn't going to let her do it by herself so I continued shoveling. I caught the eye of my neighbor across the street, whom I've never actually spoken to--just waved at while passing by. He motioned for me to come over and offered his snowblower. I thanked him and grabbed the handles to bring it across the street. The thing was a beast! It weighed a ton and it was all I could do to hang on. My whole body was vibrating and I had visions of Bill having to feed me my dinner because my arms were going to be so sore that there was no way I would be able to lift them to my mouth. Once I got to the driveway, I realized I had no idea how to turn the spout thingy to make the snow fly in the direction that you want it to go. So, essentially I was blowing the snow back where I had just removed it. I started to look longingly at my shovel. But, there was no way that I was going to quit; I wanted the nice neighbor to know that I appreciated his offer. I am pretty sure that I looked fairly inept, because not five minutes later he strolled over with a cigarette hanging from his mouth and pointed to himself (they are Polish so there is a slight language barrier) and said he'd do it. So, my two nice neighbors snow (blowed, blew?) my driveway for me. How nice was that? So, to repay my kindly neighbors, I'm going to make them some delicious Pioneer Woman cinnamon rolls, which I have since perfected. Once I do that, I'm pretty sure that I'll never have to shovel again :)

The Land of Lincoln

I'm pretty sure he's rolling over in his grave right now. I'm proud to be from Illinois...

To top it off, it's snowing again and I'm getting cabin fever--as are the children...and it's only January. Calgon, take me away!

Liam and his M&M's

Today was a bit of a rough day because Rori was feeling under the weather and especially whiny. I figured I could give them some M&M's to make them happy and then they'd sit for a while without climbing up my legs.

Liam eats M&M's like it will be his last opportunity. He shoves all of them in his mouth (giving mommy a heart attack) and then sits there waiting for them to dissolve enough that he can chew them. In the mean time, the chocolate, that melts in your mouth--not in your hand, starts to come out in a massive pool of drool. It's lovely. I guess this is what having a boy is all about.

Note the green M&M on his shirt:

Here he's still waiting for them to dissolve--and the green one is still on his shirt.

Ah ha! He found it (look in his mouth) and frankly he looks a little distressed that he may have missed out on one. And now I need to go do laundry and give my boy a bath...

Looking back

So, I'm generally late doing dated posts--my thanksgiving post was late, and now my reflection on 2008 post is late--but I will blame my internet provider for that.

2008 was definitely a growing year for me. Looking back, I am amazed at how the Lord used tragedies to bring me closer to Him. It started with the tragic death of Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter, Maria. I was completely floored that something so horrible could happen to such a man of God. Right around the time that I went to his concert, an incredible testament to his faith, my mom sent me Angie Smith's blog. I was amazed at her strength of faith during her difficult pregnancy and giving her baby girl back to Jesus. This all caused me to have a great deal of introspection. I finally, after 4 plus years, was able to let go of anger and disappointment at losing our first baby girl. I've been able to write about it and share it with close friends that had wanted to walk the journey with me, but I wasn't able to let them. I've been able to be honest with you all about my feelings, bad and good, and I thank you all for loving me despite myself. It all has been great strides towards healing from the wounds that I have been afflicted with. I can truly say that I am able to walk again in faith. I am so thankful that the Lord chose to bring me to Him in a greater intimacy, and I pray that 2009 will bring me even closer. I feel like 2009 may be about waiting and seeking. I am waiting to see what the Lord has planned for me as far as my career, schooling for my children, to meet my baby niece, and waiting to learn what His plan is for growing our family. In all this waiting, I am also seeking for His will to be done, whatever it may be (boy is that a scary sentence to write)!

That's my boy!

Liam has recently decided that being naked is so much better than wearing clothes. His father generally freaks out when he has naked time--he's generally worried about accidents. So, I mostly let him be naked when it's just me home and after he's had a full diaper. No accidents yet...

Here he is watching Mickey Mouse the way the Good Lord intended it. Note that he has socks on--wouldn't want his little feet to get cold :)

Here he is torturing Rori's collection of Disney princesses

Note Rori's look of fear and disgust at the naked boy playing with her princesses.

Is it bad that I think there is nothing cuter than a naked baby? Just don't tell Liam I posted naked pictures of him :)

Hello 2009!

I am writing what was supposed to be my New Year's Day post, but alas, our phone, internet, and television provider had problems and we've been without all three since New Year's Eve! This would have been the perfect opportunity for me to decide that I am going to focus on family time and reading books and bettering myself without technology. Hey--it probably would have made a great New Year's resolution. However, now that it's back, it's, "hey good looking, I've missed you!" On Friday, I went into work for a couple of hours and was actually looking forward to it because I got to be on the internet briefly to catch up on some emails and things. I felt isolated from the world. If it had lasted one more day I think I would have had to go to Starbucks and use their wifi. But, I knew that if I did that, my extra hot, no foam, easy whip, soy latte caramel macchiatto espresso drink would have probably spilled into my precious new laptop and caused me great devastation. So, thank you, AT&T repairman, I think I love you. And, Blogger, I've missed you!

Welcome 2009!